Alright, so let's set some ground rules. I think the idea of Valentine's is great! Like, I think a serious relationship should be celebrated and there should be a day of just love celebrating, and stuff. You know I think its important to celebrate that milestone. It's an American rite of passage. My only problem is that I have never been one of those people and will not be for a while. So I'd like to not be reminded of how I spend my Friday nights....alone with a tub of Greek Yogurt and my Netflix account.
Earlier today I was at the gym when I made the mistake of checking out Facebook while on my phone. I was accosted immediately by horrifying images of young love. I was devastated. There is only so much I can stand having only eaten a protein bar and a cobb salad surrounded my strange people at the gym. Of course it was a recipe for disaster. In my attempts to gain a better physique, I was attacked with the sight of two people be completely happy with each other. Sorry I don't live in an alternate universe where people love each other because they are emotionally and physically compatible and accept each other's flaws.....I LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS PLACE IS LIKE?? NO ONE LOVES YOU UNLESS YOU MAKE SIX FIGURES AND WEIGH 150 LBS. WHAT KIND OF CRUELTY IS THIS!?!?!? WHY?!?!?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME???? HOW ON EARTH DID I ADD YOU AS MY FRIEND!?!?! :'(
Impromptu panic attack aside, I like other people's relationships like my sexuality during high school...hidden away and never spoken of. I get that you all want to proclaim your love from the tallest mountain but seriously...spare the single people in your life this February. No single person wants to be reminded of their loneliness. Leave them alone. Take that weekend to a secret beach location, but for the love of God please stay away from the instagram. Cook a romantic dinner, but if you tweet about it you're breaking more hearts than you think. And there's a special place in hell for those who pollute everyone's newsfeed with over the top and gushy status updates. KNOCK IT OFF!!
So please have an amazing Valentine's with your significant other, but leave the regulars others out of it!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
New Year, New Post
Alright, sweet. Here we go....HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! Doesn't the sound of that greeting just make you giddy with excitement for completing another full year on this earth and ready to tackle another amazing twelve months?!?!??!! Ohh? No...not really? Oh well...then let's just get wasted on tequila........
Not to sound depressing, but let's get over it. We are all OVER 2012. It was a weird year. There were countless tragedies going on like political pundits talking about things they didn't know about, hurricanes that did horrible damage to the east coast, and my college graduation ('nuff saind). There were good things too like the successful reelection of Obama, Gabby Douglas pwning everyone at the olympics, and Call Me Maybe. Also my fraternity won AIRBANDS 2012...which at my alma mater was basically a triple decker of sliced Pulitzers, Tonys, and Grammys enclosed in two slices of Golden Globes. (#Exaggeration. But seriously, it was a big freaking deal).
My New Year's Eve was amazing (just like the whole year). Spent it with good friends, lots of food and drink, and more champagne. So I really have nothing to complain about, except my impending fear of things not changing. How about instead of wrapping ourselves up in this post-holiday season induced intellectual coma, let's take this time to make 2013 better than 2012. We are all lucky to be here because this planet was totes supposed to go down the drain like...two weeks ago (according to the Mayans) so let's make something of it. Like let's do stuff different.
I mean, it's a radical idea, but why not? If it's not broken, let's fix it, just to see how it works. I know this sounds weird in the abstract, but bear with me. We all have a type...let's try to break that mold. Date and/or DFMO with someone who is totally out of your comfort zone, and maybe has interesting ideas on stuff that you never thought of before. How about taking a nice stroll in the neighborhood you live, but not like you normally do. Take completely random turns and like explore stuff. You can't get lost...you probably have a smartphone if you're reading this. LET'S GO TO THE LIBRARY, AND LIKE TAKE OUT BOOKS!!!!! (insert sitcom laughtrack here). Let's not get wasted on a consistent basis only to find yourself wallowing in self-pity or whatever you all wallow in out there. I wanna try going out one night with friends, and being stone-cold sober. Let's be honest...nothing interesting happens after 2 am except crying and fast food.
Anywho you guys get the drift. 2012 was year that had a lot of power behind it, but I like to strive for perfection. We can all make 2013 the best. This year should be a year about exploration and finding things out about yourself. So go out there people and like....DO STUFF!
Not to sound depressing, but let's get over it. We are all OVER 2012. It was a weird year. There were countless tragedies going on like political pundits talking about things they didn't know about, hurricanes that did horrible damage to the east coast, and my college graduation ('nuff saind). There were good things too like the successful reelection of Obama, Gabby Douglas pwning everyone at the olympics, and Call Me Maybe. Also my fraternity won AIRBANDS 2012...which at my alma mater was basically a triple decker of sliced Pulitzers, Tonys, and Grammys enclosed in two slices of Golden Globes. (#Exaggeration. But seriously, it was a big freaking deal).
My New Year's Eve was amazing (just like the whole year). Spent it with good friends, lots of food and drink, and more champagne. So I really have nothing to complain about, except my impending fear of things not changing. How about instead of wrapping ourselves up in this post-holiday season induced intellectual coma, let's take this time to make 2013 better than 2012. We are all lucky to be here because this planet was totes supposed to go down the drain like...two weeks ago (according to the Mayans) so let's make something of it. Like let's do stuff different.
I mean, it's a radical idea, but why not? If it's not broken, let's fix it, just to see how it works. I know this sounds weird in the abstract, but bear with me. We all have a type...let's try to break that mold. Date and/or DFMO with someone who is totally out of your comfort zone, and maybe has interesting ideas on stuff that you never thought of before. How about taking a nice stroll in the neighborhood you live, but not like you normally do. Take completely random turns and like explore stuff. You can't get lost...you probably have a smartphone if you're reading this. LET'S GO TO THE LIBRARY, AND LIKE TAKE OUT BOOKS!!!!! (insert sitcom laughtrack here). Let's not get wasted on a consistent basis only to find yourself wallowing in self-pity or whatever you all wallow in out there. I wanna try going out one night with friends, and being stone-cold sober. Let's be honest...nothing interesting happens after 2 am except crying and fast food.
Anywho you guys get the drift. 2012 was year that had a lot of power behind it, but I like to strive for perfection. We can all make 2013 the best. This year should be a year about exploration and finding things out about yourself. So go out there people and like....DO STUFF!
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