The Endgame

This are trying times for my fellow New Yorkers. I do feel like the native New Yorker is a dying breed. After my experience it seems easier to get to NYC than to stay here. So many people fight and bleed for both of them and it makes this city so unique to any other in the world.

I myself am a Native New Yorker who was born in Brooklyn, and lived here for the whole of my 23 years of life (save for the four years I spent at college and even then I had summers in the city).  It was a wonderful time growing up in the city. As a child I felt so engrossed in the art and culture that was literally drowning me.  I could go to a park without seeing an art fair, and every time I went to Broadway it was a treat.  I learned that New York was my world, and the world of so many others. Growing up, I never was not in the center of things.  9/11 happened when I was in the 6th grade, and I never felt the city become so unified in its identity.  I was a scared child then, but I realized then that this was an important place.  It was where are, and business, and opportunity, and tragedy all intertwine into a singular being.

It wasn't until college that I realized what a privilege New York was.  I went to a small liberal arts school which had nothing in common with New York City.  Much of the population from my school was from upper middle class to upper class white families who lived in suburbs of major cities along the east coast.  I never thought I'd meet someone who'd never been to a Broadway show or the Brooklyn Museum of Art before that day.  I met people who grew up on farms, who dreamed of the city (I also met people who lived on farms and were dying to go back, and I'm in no position to judge.)  It was then we I got the "Where were you during 9/11?" questions.  My favorite was also the "OMG you must go to shows all the time!!!!" (which I did, but that's beside the point).  It felt good to know that my city, is the pinnacle for most people.  At least in that moment anyway.

After I left college I came back to the city...along with all the people who had always told me that they would love to be in the city.  Here we are, in out mid twenties, trying to make names for ourselves.  Needless to say I was lucky because I've never had to fight these battles, but many of these kids come armed with a group of semi-good friends and their parent's credit reports and find a temporary home here in the city.   I think its fascinating that so many people do not intend to make this their home after so many more already have.  This is THE home for millions of people from all walks of life.  To the people of Bed-Stuy, Brownsville, Coney Island, The Village and countless other neighborhoods...this was not a stepping stone for a career, but rather the beginning of a lifetime.  I would hate for people to come to this city without the intent of making it a better place.

For a lot of us this is the goal, and New York City should always be.  I'd like to close this post by reminding everyone that they should appreciate how much work it took to get here, and remember it will take even more to stay in this city.  That's the endgame after all, isn't it?  :)

A phoenix from the ashes

Who knew that 2014 would bring so much drama with it.  This winter has been brutal in NY, the political climate isn't much warmer, and my personal life has gone down the shitter.

Just need a place to vent and recollect my thoughts.  I'm hoping this becomes one of those stories where real problems try the human spirit but creativity, freedom and love of life triumph in the end.  I think it will.  I think when it comes to problems in work, love, or family you have to be creative and love your life to make things work.

Some background information:  I was dumped this past week for the first time.  It hurts, but I'm reluctant to say that it was brutal.  I definitely deserve more than what I was getting with this guy, but that's not to say that I wasn't happy or that I won't miss him.  I will miss him. I loved this guy, and he was incredibly special.  But it had to end for me to move on.  I acknowledge things and move on from them.  Sometimes you have to.  I called and left the most honest message I ever spoke, and I felt amazing afterwards.  I felt like like things aren't so definite for me, and I can move past this.

And professionally, I've been challenged more this year than ever before.  It's hard but I feel like I can do this if I focus at the task at hand.  The path will lead me where I want to go, and I trust my instincts more than ever now.

The sad part is that I want to keep some the things I've gained this year, but if they must go they must go.  It'll all come together.  I guess the theme is that this is a real phoenix from the ashes time in my life.  It's never been colder in NYC but everything I know is slowly burning to the ground.  I think the real challenge will be rising from the pile of ashes and becoming stronger than ever.  I like that analogy a lot, "the phoenix from the ashes".  I'm slowly falling in love with watching things fall apart because I know that with my talents, experience, and strengths that they will only be built more magnificent than they were before.

Maybe it's time to get back to my art, and really burn bright :)