Catching up...over drinks

I feel like this weekend is a good weekend to finally update my blog.  It's been weeks since my last post and my life has just gotten crazier and I'm still learning that there is so much in the world. 

I had my first full blown Williamsburg night this weekend.  And it was eye opening the amount of activity that is available to me in my own backyard.  I never realized that I could have so much fun on my own island, without ever having to cross the East River.  The Manhattan parties will always have a spot in my heart but I was equally content in Brooklyn.  Also, the people continue to amaze me here.  Everyone has such an open mind and is so down to earth.  I mean, as far down to earth as you get in New York City anyway.  It was just nice to see regular people and not the social elite that control Manhattan and its various clubs and bars.  It was the first time that I was also totally OK with not trying to go home with anyone.  It was amazing to have that sort of freedom.  I literally just danced and listened to the music.

I think people should try that more often.  Dance and feel how liberating the music can be.  I've also been listening to a lot of Lana Del Rey.  That's probably why I feel so depressingly free.

Gotta live it and love it.

Is this genuine or entitlement?

Sometimes I wonder if maybe we weren't meant to be happy...and other times I just wonder if I'm being pretentious?

Like the world owes me nothing.  All that I have I am fortunate to have and I should make the best of.  Between a loving family, technology at my fingertips, an intellect with curious capabilities, and some money to have fun with maybe I'm better than I like to think I am sometimes.

I recently spent memorial day weekend in the hamptons (with one of the bloggers from Back Row Critics) and I enjoyed every second of it.  Walking through Southampton I realized that I loved the town and the cleanliness and the couture but I also realized that this seriously may never bring me happiness.  Though who doesn't love all the designer cars and clothes?  Anywho, I always feel inadequate when I compare that to my own life.  But then I remembered that my own life is real. 

I love the idea of the Hamptons, and of Cape Cod, and of Aspen, and of Beverly Hills.  But I'm starting to realize that all of these places are just ideas...at least for me.  I kind of want to focus on what I can do with my life and what I can create.  I want to get back to my creative roots and if that brings me some prestige then all the better.  The only thing that will make me truly happy at this point is getting back on a stage and doing something.

Maybe that's exactly what I need.  To find the stage again and make things happen.  That's the only way I can make things that are real.

Trust: The Final Word

So trust....what can I say?  There is so much about a five letter word that I just don't understand, and I don't think a lot of people do either.  Like to trust someone, its the scariest thing in the world.  To let someone into your mind and your heart and know you....sometimes biblically. You trust someone with yourself....that's scary to me.

And yet, I find myself trusting to fast.  I want someone to know me.  I want people to know my wants and hopes and fears and secrets.  Isn't that why I blog?  I want to trust the world with myself.  But yet we train ourselves to step away.  Like when you know something is going to burn you but it hasn't quite scorched your skin.  You feel the pain that isn't there and you run away.  We retreat so easily.  I feel like my mind has so many things to share with people and I want to trust people with what I can show them, and hope that they will trust me and we can explore each other.  It's a little sexual but it doesn't have to be, does it?

I went on a date today, and got the distinct feeling that he thought I might have been oversharing.  Not that I was creeping him out of some stories of my past, but if you're going to talk about The Great Gatsby and not mention how awesome the costumes were, then maybe I don't need to be talking to you.  I got the feeling that I was instantly labeled weird.  And maybe rightfully so.  I wasn't in the mood to play the recalcitrant and brooding James Dean character.  I wanted to be free loving and bubble and understanding and trusting.  I Even sometimes with my friends they are reluctant to trust or to share.  Then why are we friends?  If you are truly a friend then there is nothing in this world that I wouldn't share with you. 

I don't know maybe I'm weird and lonely.  I just wish sometimes people were more trusting and gave me a reason to trust more.

Love, Marriage and everything that happens in between

So i just got back from an amazing weekend with some of my fraternity brothers out on Long Island.  We were there to celebrate a major milestone that one of our brothers is fortunate enough to reach.  He recently proposed to his long-time girlfriend and is now engaged...and of course we spent the entire time talking about sodomy :/

It was amazing to see the two of them, and I did choke up a little bit.  I'm a little bit of a sucker for romance.  I really am.  Blame it on watching Disney cartoons for my entire childhood.  Who could turn up an excellent love story?  Maybe Shakespeare...because he has a funny way of having love work itself out.  But sometimes its nice to see things be that simple.  Who am I kidding?  It's amazing to see a love story that simple play out in real life!  How many times can we honestly say that any social situation in life is simple?  In my case, close to none.  I have a mini panic attack every time I have to text some friends to go out to the bar.  It's refreshing to see a simple love story actually play out.  It gives me hope.

Now I'm going to go on the "I want that to be me one day" rant.

I want that to be me one day.

See?  That was pretty simple.  I seriously really want that to be me one day.  And I know I'll have my own romance story.  It'll happen at the right time.  I'm not trying to rush fate these days.  I realize my goal of being married by 25 may not actually happen, and I'm ok with that.  I have a lot to do before I'm 25, and I can't put too much on my plate.  I also can't expect a relationship to pop out of nowhere in the next few years.  I'm just grateful to be seeing it happen for the first time in my life, and maybe I'll even get some pointers.  I've always been one to comment on other people's relationships and at this point I should be an expert, but I've seen more relationships fail than succeed.  I realize that I have work to do in front of me, especially since I am a 20 something in New York City looking for a real relationship (i think...:/)

I'm not saying to ignore the future because I do think it is important to keep relationships in mind.  It's why we do half of the things we do.  That's why we all go to the gym, keep up with fashion, care about pop culture.  It's a medium for us to find other people.  It's difficult to balance finding a relationship and a job and family, but it has to be done.  Life is too awesome (and other times to too stressful) to do it by yourself.  I know I'll always have good friends and brothers to keep me company, but we all deserve to find a little bit of love one day.

Also, there is the sex.

Working in Brooklyn

Ok so...working in Brooklyn.

It's like another worlds over here.  Who knew the difference between working in Midtown and Brooklyn could be so eye opening.  Being a native Brooklnite, I never thought twice about it but now I see the different sides of New York City that exist. 

I worked for a few months in Midtown and the idea that I got was that someone, somewhere was always having a meeting and no matter what you will always be  late/unprepared.  Also blackberries.....everywhere.  Brooklyn has a much more laid back attitude.  I see people on the commute who look a little happier and dress a little more down to earth (but still uber trendy and professional).  People aren't trying to work for the suit, but the suit works more for them.  I think that applies to most people in Brooklyn.  We make shit work for us.  I know I did.  I also work next to an art gallery and down the block from a Trader Joe's which is like amazing.  I just can't believe that there is such a strong cultural identity in Brooklyn that is the complete opposite from Manhattan.  If NYC were a holiday family dinner, Manhattan is the cousin who went to boarding school and is now a lawyer.  Brooklyn would probably be the cousin from the other side of the family who has an art degree and plays the mandolin.  I would probably party with both of those cousins...so its not the perfect analogy I guess, but w.e.

Anywho I can't wait to explore Brooklyn some more and tell everyone about it!

Springtime in the City

I want to start this post by saying that I am so excited for Spring 2013 in New York.  I just feel like this is the time for new beginnings and exciting changes to take place.  I have some new friends that may be joining me in New York.  That excites me because not only are my friends going to be closer to me, but I love sharing my hometown with new people.  It brings me life!!

That being said the only thing that I do not look forward to...is the spring fashion.  And it's not just this season but its the season in general.  I just hate the idea of me having to show more of my body to the world...for them to see and judge.  It makes me uncomfortable.  I mean I don't mind wearing tight jeans and shirts to the club or bar, but lets be honest.  The lighting does wonders lol.  I think the scariest part is that I started to lose weight and get in better shape, and I want to put on those skimpy swimsuits and urban cut tank tops, but part of me will always be afraid.  Also...dressing for a warm city is a pain.  Like, no one likes flip flops with dirty feet...which is what will happen if you wear those in the city.  And jeans are a nightmare...they smell so bad.  And tops...wtf? Like do I wear a button down, or a polo? Is that too pretentious?  The whole process just stresses me out.  I wish I were someone who could just walk around and wear w.e. and be comfortable. Also this year's trends are SUPER AWESOME, but only look good on people who make a bajillion dollars a year and/or eat nothing but cocaine for breakfast #sigh

The price I pay for being chic :/

Someone explain the saying "That's so gay"

I never quite understood it.  I just never did.

I grew up in the inner city of New York, so I think it has something to do with my early hyper-awareness of the American socio-economic and racial class structure.  I knew there were different classes of people...mainly poor and rich were the two big ones for me, but as life continued I learned that people can hate you for way more than your money.  I guess I realized sexuality was one of those factors by which people can judge you when I entered high school.  I went to an all boys Catholic High School...so the latent homoerotic behavior was everywhere.  So something popular I always heard was, "That's gay" referring to an object or event, and rarely referring to a man or woman.

Whenever someone accuses someone/something (because all nouns have a sexuality these days), my initial response was "Who cares?"  I had Regents to study for, and could seriously care less that your detention slip is "gay".  I was busy with too much work to care that your detention slip had a curious sexual experiment with an envelope once in college (or maybe they were referring to the teacher who gave them detention...I was never entirely sure).  And I was accused of being gay for several reasons (none of them having to do with my romantic inclinations, relationships, or sexual history).  I remember once retorting to such an accusation "so what if I was?"  This was the proverbial nail on the coffin for my social life in middle school.  By admitting that I **gasp** did not care about the specifics for anyone's sexual orientation including my own, I was weird.  I never understood the connection between something being gay and awful at the same time.  I know several gays who are awful...but I don't think they are awful because they are gay.  They're so awful that I don't like to imagine them having sex with anyone, so they're basically asexual in my mind.   

I just overheard some high schoolers throwing this around on the afterschool subway, and I was just wondering what is with this obsession of their's.  I thought the highschooler of today was different from that of 5 years ago.  I mean in that time we came up with YOLO and SWAG to keep them distracted, didn't we?  Snapbacks and acid wash were revived to give them inspiration to the struggles of old. Meh...I guess I was annoying some other NYC blogger when I was that age.  I kind of wish people would get over it, and read more books, and just behave like they have an education.

I don't understand The Big Bang Theory

I just don't understand the show.  My family watches it religiously so I've been sucked in, but I still catch myself from entering the clan of the devout fans.  I just can't help but realize that none of these people are functioning human beings aside from Leonard and Penny.  Even then...those two characters have such pitiful existences.  Penny is a failing actress who hangs out with people who are so far out of her normal social circle, that she clearly must be SOOOO INDEPENDENT AND QUIRKY.  Leonard is cool though.  He does what he loves, and has normal social anxieties, and an overbearing mother.  He's like me....but with a PhD.

All of these characters are just so socially inept that I feel uncomfortable being around them (except Leonard and Penny).  Howard is just on the verge of being a sexual criminal, Raj is has some sort of mental disease and Sheldon is just a egotisical sociopath.  Sheldon literally does not care about anyone around him...ever.  Not even this cast of people...the only people who love him for whatever reason.  I could understand Leonard wanting to hang around these guys because he grew up with them.  They were his friends for the longest time and so no amount of awkwardness could break their bonds of brotherhood, but that just sucks for Leonard. The one thing I never quite understood was Penny.

Penny is a completely normal, functional, young woman.  Can't she find better friends than these guys and her two "girlfriends" Bernadette and Amy?  These people literally have no social tact and they're so obviously made to be unattractive.  Bernadette is nice but she doesn't get enough time on screen.  I've never known such a hot girl to hang out or sleep with such a crew.  Her ex boyfriends seemed like more fun than this cast.  I just find it highly unrealistic.

Penny...go out and get some better friends and stop sleeping with the faculty of some unknown university.  Broaden your horizons and get some new friends who share common goals and interests so this show can finally make sense. And Leonard...keep doing you.  You're alright by me.  Thanks/

The Time is Upon us....Valentine's Day

Alright, so let's set some ground rules.  I think the idea of Valentine's is great!  Like, I think a serious relationship should be celebrated and there should be a day of just love celebrating, and stuff.  You know I think its important to celebrate that milestone. It's an American rite of passage.  My only problem is that I have never been one of those people and will not be for a while.  So I'd like to not be reminded of how I spend my Friday nights....alone with a tub of Greek Yogurt and my Netflix account.

Earlier today I was at the gym when I made the mistake of checking out Facebook while on my phone.  I was accosted immediately by horrifying images of young love. I was devastated.  There is only so much I can stand having only eaten a protein bar and a cobb salad surrounded my strange people at the gym.  Of course it was a recipe for disaster.  In my attempts to gain a better physique, I was attacked with the sight of two people be completely happy with each other.  Sorry I don't live in an alternate universe where people love each other because they are emotionally and physically compatible and accept each other's flaws.....I LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS PLACE IS LIKE??  NO ONE LOVES YOU UNLESS YOU MAKE SIX FIGURES AND WEIGH 150 LBS.  WHAT KIND OF CRUELTY IS THIS!?!?!? WHY?!?!?!  WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????  HOW ON EARTH DID I ADD YOU AS MY FRIEND!?!?! :'(

Impromptu panic attack aside, I like other people's relationships like my sexuality during high school...hidden away and never spoken of.  I get that you all want to proclaim your love from the tallest mountain but seriously...spare the single people in your life this February.  No single person wants to be reminded of their loneliness.  Leave them alone.  Take that weekend to a secret beach location, but for the love of God please stay away from the instagram.  Cook a romantic dinner, but if you tweet about it you're breaking more hearts than you think.  And there's a special place in hell for those who pollute everyone's newsfeed with over the top and gushy status updates.  KNOCK IT OFF!!

So please have an amazing Valentine's with your significant other, but leave the regulars others out of it!

New Year, New Post

Alright, sweet.  Here we go....HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!  Doesn't the sound of that greeting just make you giddy with excitement for completing another full year on this earth and ready to tackle another amazing twelve months?!?!??!!  Ohh?  No...not really? Oh well...then let's just get wasted on tequila........

Not to sound depressing, but let's get over it.  We are all OVER 2012.  It was a weird year.  There were countless tragedies going on like political pundits talking about things they didn't know about, hurricanes that did horrible damage to the east coast, and my college graduation ('nuff saind).  There were good things too like the successful reelection of Obama, Gabby Douglas pwning everyone at the olympics, and Call Me Maybe.  Also my fraternity won AIRBANDS 2012...which at my alma mater was basically a triple decker of sliced Pulitzers, Tonys, and Grammys enclosed in two slices of Golden Globes.  (#Exaggeration.  But seriously, it was a big freaking deal). 

My New Year's Eve was amazing (just like the whole year).  Spent it with good friends, lots of food and drink, and more champagne.  So I really have nothing to complain about, except my impending fear of things not changing.  How about instead of wrapping ourselves up in this post-holiday season induced intellectual coma, let's take this time to make 2013 better than 2012.  We are all lucky to be here because this planet was totes supposed to go down the drain like...two weeks ago (according to the Mayans) so let's make something of it.  Like let's do stuff different. 

I mean, it's a radical idea, but why not?  If it's not broken, let's fix it, just to see how it works.  I know this sounds weird in the abstract, but bear with me.  We all have a type...let's try to break that mold.  Date and/or DFMO with someone who is totally out of your comfort zone, and maybe has interesting ideas on stuff that you never thought of before. How about taking a nice stroll in the neighborhood you live, but not like you normally do.  Take completely random turns and like explore stuff.  You can't get lost...you probably have a smartphone if you're reading this.  LET'S GO TO THE LIBRARY, AND LIKE TAKE OUT BOOKS!!!!!  (insert sitcom laughtrack here).  Let's not get wasted on a consistent basis only to find yourself wallowing in self-pity or whatever you all wallow in out there.  I wanna try going out one night with friends, and being stone-cold sober.  Let's be honest...nothing interesting happens after 2 am except crying and fast food. 

Anywho you guys get the drift.  2012 was year that had a lot of power behind it, but I like to strive for perfection.  We can all make 2013 the best.  This year should be a year about exploration and finding things out about yourself.  So go out there people and like....DO STUFF!