I realized I need to write. I have an strong desire to unleash my thoughts and viewpoints on this world and ,y blog is the absolute best way to do it. I don't know if I could do this on a professional level but at least for myself. I have the means and the time, so I should make it work.
This past year has been totally enlightening of me. I have undertaken new journeys, challenges, and relationships. Not everything has been a success but I think I can finally look all of New York City in the face and make it recognize my skill. If I can take the time and effort I put into watching my TV shows, then I think that I can really do something amazing. I endeavor to write more.
What else should I write? Comedy? Tragedy? Poetry? Let's be honest, I am far too sarcastic to write tragically. Everything I touch has a bit of neurotic levity to it. I'm still not sure what I should write. I have volumes of notebooks for ideas but maybe I can still do something. Maybe I can actually write two and a half minutes of witty dialogue. But I will have to try first.
I'd like to credit my new found creativity to the creative people I see everyday and the occasional trip to the bar. This can be the start of something really good. I think I have a network of really talented individuals inspiring me, and it's finally a great feeling. It's good to not be lost anymore, and finally have a good goal.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
The Endgame
This are trying times for my fellow New Yorkers. I do feel like the native New Yorker is a dying breed. After my experience it seems easier to get to NYC than to stay here. So many people fight and bleed for both of them and it makes this city so unique to any other in the world.
I myself am a Native New Yorker who was born in Brooklyn, and lived here for the whole of my 23 years of life (save for the four years I spent at college and even then I had summers in the city). It was a wonderful time growing up in the city. As a child I felt so engrossed in the art and culture that was literally drowning me. I could go to a park without seeing an art fair, and every time I went to Broadway it was a treat. I learned that New York was my world, and the world of so many others. Growing up, I never was not in the center of things. 9/11 happened when I was in the 6th grade, and I never felt the city become so unified in its identity. I was a scared child then, but I realized then that this was an important place. It was where are, and business, and opportunity, and tragedy all intertwine into a singular being.
It wasn't until college that I realized what a privilege New York was. I went to a small liberal arts school which had nothing in common with New York City. Much of the population from my school was from upper middle class to upper class white families who lived in suburbs of major cities along the east coast. I never thought I'd meet someone who'd never been to a Broadway show or the Brooklyn Museum of Art before that day. I met people who grew up on farms, who dreamed of the city (I also met people who lived on farms and were dying to go back, and I'm in no position to judge.) It was then we I got the "Where were you during 9/11?" questions. My favorite was also the "OMG you must go to shows all the time!!!!" (which I did, but that's beside the point). It felt good to know that my city, is the pinnacle for most people. At least in that moment anyway.
After I left college I came back to the city...along with all the people who had always told me that they would love to be in the city. Here we are, in out mid twenties, trying to make names for ourselves. Needless to say I was lucky because I've never had to fight these battles, but many of these kids come armed with a group of semi-good friends and their parent's credit reports and find a temporary home here in the city. I think its fascinating that so many people do not intend to make this their home after so many more already have. This is THE home for millions of people from all walks of life. To the people of Bed-Stuy, Brownsville, Coney Island, The Village and countless other neighborhoods...this was not a stepping stone for a career, but rather the beginning of a lifetime. I would hate for people to come to this city without the intent of making it a better place.
For a lot of us this is the goal, and New York City should always be. I'd like to close this post by reminding everyone that they should appreciate how much work it took to get here, and remember it will take even more to stay in this city. That's the endgame after all, isn't it? :)
I myself am a Native New Yorker who was born in Brooklyn, and lived here for the whole of my 23 years of life (save for the four years I spent at college and even then I had summers in the city). It was a wonderful time growing up in the city. As a child I felt so engrossed in the art and culture that was literally drowning me. I could go to a park without seeing an art fair, and every time I went to Broadway it was a treat. I learned that New York was my world, and the world of so many others. Growing up, I never was not in the center of things. 9/11 happened when I was in the 6th grade, and I never felt the city become so unified in its identity. I was a scared child then, but I realized then that this was an important place. It was where are, and business, and opportunity, and tragedy all intertwine into a singular being.
It wasn't until college that I realized what a privilege New York was. I went to a small liberal arts school which had nothing in common with New York City. Much of the population from my school was from upper middle class to upper class white families who lived in suburbs of major cities along the east coast. I never thought I'd meet someone who'd never been to a Broadway show or the Brooklyn Museum of Art before that day. I met people who grew up on farms, who dreamed of the city (I also met people who lived on farms and were dying to go back, and I'm in no position to judge.) It was then we I got the "Where were you during 9/11?" questions. My favorite was also the "OMG you must go to shows all the time!!!!" (which I did, but that's beside the point). It felt good to know that my city, is the pinnacle for most people. At least in that moment anyway.
After I left college I came back to the city...along with all the people who had always told me that they would love to be in the city. Here we are, in out mid twenties, trying to make names for ourselves. Needless to say I was lucky because I've never had to fight these battles, but many of these kids come armed with a group of semi-good friends and their parent's credit reports and find a temporary home here in the city. I think its fascinating that so many people do not intend to make this their home after so many more already have. This is THE home for millions of people from all walks of life. To the people of Bed-Stuy, Brownsville, Coney Island, The Village and countless other neighborhoods...this was not a stepping stone for a career, but rather the beginning of a lifetime. I would hate for people to come to this city without the intent of making it a better place.
For a lot of us this is the goal, and New York City should always be. I'd like to close this post by reminding everyone that they should appreciate how much work it took to get here, and remember it will take even more to stay in this city. That's the endgame after all, isn't it? :)
Monday, March 3, 2014
A phoenix from the ashes
Who knew that 2014 would bring so much drama with it. This winter has been brutal in NY, the political climate isn't much warmer, and my personal life has gone down the shitter.
Just need a place to vent and recollect my thoughts. I'm hoping this becomes one of those stories where real problems try the human spirit but creativity, freedom and love of life triumph in the end. I think it will. I think when it comes to problems in work, love, or family you have to be creative and love your life to make things work.
Some background information: I was dumped this past week for the first time. It hurts, but I'm reluctant to say that it was brutal. I definitely deserve more than what I was getting with this guy, but that's not to say that I wasn't happy or that I won't miss him. I will miss him. I loved this guy, and he was incredibly special. But it had to end for me to move on. I acknowledge things and move on from them. Sometimes you have to. I called and left the most honest message I ever spoke, and I felt amazing afterwards. I felt like like things aren't so definite for me, and I can move past this.
And professionally, I've been challenged more this year than ever before. It's hard but I feel like I can do this if I focus at the task at hand. The path will lead me where I want to go, and I trust my instincts more than ever now.
The sad part is that I want to keep some the things I've gained this year, but if they must go they must go. It'll all come together. I guess the theme is that this is a real phoenix from the ashes time in my life. It's never been colder in NYC but everything I know is slowly burning to the ground. I think the real challenge will be rising from the pile of ashes and becoming stronger than ever. I like that analogy a lot, "the phoenix from the ashes". I'm slowly falling in love with watching things fall apart because I know that with my talents, experience, and strengths that they will only be built more magnificent than they were before.
Maybe it's time to get back to my art, and really burn bright :)
Just need a place to vent and recollect my thoughts. I'm hoping this becomes one of those stories where real problems try the human spirit but creativity, freedom and love of life triumph in the end. I think it will. I think when it comes to problems in work, love, or family you have to be creative and love your life to make things work.
Some background information: I was dumped this past week for the first time. It hurts, but I'm reluctant to say that it was brutal. I definitely deserve more than what I was getting with this guy, but that's not to say that I wasn't happy or that I won't miss him. I will miss him. I loved this guy, and he was incredibly special. But it had to end for me to move on. I acknowledge things and move on from them. Sometimes you have to. I called and left the most honest message I ever spoke, and I felt amazing afterwards. I felt like like things aren't so definite for me, and I can move past this.
And professionally, I've been challenged more this year than ever before. It's hard but I feel like I can do this if I focus at the task at hand. The path will lead me where I want to go, and I trust my instincts more than ever now.
The sad part is that I want to keep some the things I've gained this year, but if they must go they must go. It'll all come together. I guess the theme is that this is a real phoenix from the ashes time in my life. It's never been colder in NYC but everything I know is slowly burning to the ground. I think the real challenge will be rising from the pile of ashes and becoming stronger than ever. I like that analogy a lot, "the phoenix from the ashes". I'm slowly falling in love with watching things fall apart because I know that with my talents, experience, and strengths that they will only be built more magnificent than they were before.
Maybe it's time to get back to my art, and really burn bright :)
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Catching up...over drinks
I feel like this weekend is a good weekend to finally update my blog. It's been weeks since my last post and my life has just gotten crazier and I'm still learning that there is so much in the world.
I had my first full blown Williamsburg night this weekend. And it was eye opening the amount of activity that is available to me in my own backyard. I never realized that I could have so much fun on my own island, without ever having to cross the East River. The Manhattan parties will always have a spot in my heart but I was equally content in Brooklyn. Also, the people continue to amaze me here. Everyone has such an open mind and is so down to earth. I mean, as far down to earth as you get in New York City anyway. It was just nice to see regular people and not the social elite that control Manhattan and its various clubs and bars. It was the first time that I was also totally OK with not trying to go home with anyone. It was amazing to have that sort of freedom. I literally just danced and listened to the music.
I think people should try that more often. Dance and feel how liberating the music can be. I've also been listening to a lot of Lana Del Rey. That's probably why I feel so depressingly free.
Gotta live it and love it.
I had my first full blown Williamsburg night this weekend. And it was eye opening the amount of activity that is available to me in my own backyard. I never realized that I could have so much fun on my own island, without ever having to cross the East River. The Manhattan parties will always have a spot in my heart but I was equally content in Brooklyn. Also, the people continue to amaze me here. Everyone has such an open mind and is so down to earth. I mean, as far down to earth as you get in New York City anyway. It was just nice to see regular people and not the social elite that control Manhattan and its various clubs and bars. It was the first time that I was also totally OK with not trying to go home with anyone. It was amazing to have that sort of freedom. I literally just danced and listened to the music.
I think people should try that more often. Dance and feel how liberating the music can be. I've also been listening to a lot of Lana Del Rey. That's probably why I feel so depressingly free.
Gotta live it and love it.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Is this genuine or entitlement?
Sometimes I wonder if maybe we weren't meant to be happy...and other times I just wonder if I'm being pretentious?
Like the world owes me nothing. All that I have I am fortunate to have and I should make the best of. Between a loving family, technology at my fingertips, an intellect with curious capabilities, and some money to have fun with maybe I'm better than I like to think I am sometimes.
I recently spent memorial day weekend in the hamptons (with one of the bloggers from Back Row Critics) and I enjoyed every second of it. Walking through Southampton I realized that I loved the town and the cleanliness and the couture but I also realized that this seriously may never bring me happiness. Though who doesn't love all the designer cars and clothes? Anywho, I always feel inadequate when I compare that to my own life. But then I remembered that my own life is real.
I love the idea of the Hamptons, and of Cape Cod, and of Aspen, and of Beverly Hills. But I'm starting to realize that all of these places are just ideas...at least for me. I kind of want to focus on what I can do with my life and what I can create. I want to get back to my creative roots and if that brings me some prestige then all the better. The only thing that will make me truly happy at this point is getting back on a stage and doing something.
Maybe that's exactly what I need. To find the stage again and make things happen. That's the only way I can make things that are real.
Like the world owes me nothing. All that I have I am fortunate to have and I should make the best of. Between a loving family, technology at my fingertips, an intellect with curious capabilities, and some money to have fun with maybe I'm better than I like to think I am sometimes.
I recently spent memorial day weekend in the hamptons (with one of the bloggers from Back Row Critics) and I enjoyed every second of it. Walking through Southampton I realized that I loved the town and the cleanliness and the couture but I also realized that this seriously may never bring me happiness. Though who doesn't love all the designer cars and clothes? Anywho, I always feel inadequate when I compare that to my own life. But then I remembered that my own life is real.
I love the idea of the Hamptons, and of Cape Cod, and of Aspen, and of Beverly Hills. But I'm starting to realize that all of these places are just ideas...at least for me. I kind of want to focus on what I can do with my life and what I can create. I want to get back to my creative roots and if that brings me some prestige then all the better. The only thing that will make me truly happy at this point is getting back on a stage and doing something.
Maybe that's exactly what I need. To find the stage again and make things happen. That's the only way I can make things that are real.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Trust: The Final Word
So trust....what can I say? There is so much about a five letter word that I just don't understand, and I don't think a lot of people do either. Like to trust someone, its the scariest thing in the world. To let someone into your mind and your heart and know you....sometimes biblically. You trust someone with yourself....that's scary to me.
And yet, I find myself trusting to fast. I want someone to know me. I want people to know my wants and hopes and fears and secrets. Isn't that why I blog? I want to trust the world with myself. But yet we train ourselves to step away. Like when you know something is going to burn you but it hasn't quite scorched your skin. You feel the pain that isn't there and you run away. We retreat so easily. I feel like my mind has so many things to share with people and I want to trust people with what I can show them, and hope that they will trust me and we can explore each other. It's a little sexual but it doesn't have to be, does it?
I went on a date today, and got the distinct feeling that he thought I might have been oversharing. Not that I was creeping him out of some stories of my past, but if you're going to talk about The Great Gatsby and not mention how awesome the costumes were, then maybe I don't need to be talking to you. I got the feeling that I was instantly labeled weird. And maybe rightfully so. I wasn't in the mood to play the recalcitrant and brooding James Dean character. I wanted to be free loving and bubble and understanding and trusting. I Even sometimes with my friends they are reluctant to trust or to share. Then why are we friends? If you are truly a friend then there is nothing in this world that I wouldn't share with you.
I don't know maybe I'm weird and lonely. I just wish sometimes people were more trusting and gave me a reason to trust more.
And yet, I find myself trusting to fast. I want someone to know me. I want people to know my wants and hopes and fears and secrets. Isn't that why I blog? I want to trust the world with myself. But yet we train ourselves to step away. Like when you know something is going to burn you but it hasn't quite scorched your skin. You feel the pain that isn't there and you run away. We retreat so easily. I feel like my mind has so many things to share with people and I want to trust people with what I can show them, and hope that they will trust me and we can explore each other. It's a little sexual but it doesn't have to be, does it?
I went on a date today, and got the distinct feeling that he thought I might have been oversharing. Not that I was creeping him out of some stories of my past, but if you're going to talk about The Great Gatsby and not mention how awesome the costumes were, then maybe I don't need to be talking to you. I got the feeling that I was instantly labeled weird. And maybe rightfully so. I wasn't in the mood to play the recalcitrant and brooding James Dean character. I wanted to be free loving and bubble and understanding and trusting. I Even sometimes with my friends they are reluctant to trust or to share. Then why are we friends? If you are truly a friend then there is nothing in this world that I wouldn't share with you.
I don't know maybe I'm weird and lonely. I just wish sometimes people were more trusting and gave me a reason to trust more.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Love, Marriage and everything that happens in between
So i just got back from an amazing weekend with some of my fraternity brothers out on Long Island. We were there to celebrate a major milestone that one of our brothers is fortunate enough to reach. He recently proposed to his long-time girlfriend and is now engaged...and of course we spent the entire time talking about sodomy :/
It was amazing to see the two of them, and I did choke up a little bit. I'm a little bit of a sucker for romance. I really am. Blame it on watching Disney cartoons for my entire childhood. Who could turn up an excellent love story? Maybe Shakespeare...because he has a funny way of having love work itself out. But sometimes its nice to see things be that simple. Who am I kidding? It's amazing to see a love story that simple play out in real life! How many times can we honestly say that any social situation in life is simple? In my case, close to none. I have a mini panic attack every time I have to text some friends to go out to the bar. It's refreshing to see a simple love story actually play out. It gives me hope.
Now I'm going to go on the "I want that to be me one day" rant.
I want that to be me one day.
See? That was pretty simple. I seriously really want that to be me one day. And I know I'll have my own romance story. It'll happen at the right time. I'm not trying to rush fate these days. I realize my goal of being married by 25 may not actually happen, and I'm ok with that. I have a lot to do before I'm 25, and I can't put too much on my plate. I also can't expect a relationship to pop out of nowhere in the next few years. I'm just grateful to be seeing it happen for the first time in my life, and maybe I'll even get some pointers. I've always been one to comment on other people's relationships and at this point I should be an expert, but I've seen more relationships fail than succeed. I realize that I have work to do in front of me, especially since I am a 20 something in New York City looking for a real relationship (i think...:/)
I'm not saying to ignore the future because I do think it is important to keep relationships in mind. It's why we do half of the things we do. That's why we all go to the gym, keep up with fashion, care about pop culture. It's a medium for us to find other people. It's difficult to balance finding a relationship and a job and family, but it has to be done. Life is too awesome (and other times to too stressful) to do it by yourself. I know I'll always have good friends and brothers to keep me company, but we all deserve to find a little bit of love one day.
Also, there is the sex.
It was amazing to see the two of them, and I did choke up a little bit. I'm a little bit of a sucker for romance. I really am. Blame it on watching Disney cartoons for my entire childhood. Who could turn up an excellent love story? Maybe Shakespeare...because he has a funny way of having love work itself out. But sometimes its nice to see things be that simple. Who am I kidding? It's amazing to see a love story that simple play out in real life! How many times can we honestly say that any social situation in life is simple? In my case, close to none. I have a mini panic attack every time I have to text some friends to go out to the bar. It's refreshing to see a simple love story actually play out. It gives me hope.
Now I'm going to go on the "I want that to be me one day" rant.
I want that to be me one day.
See? That was pretty simple. I seriously really want that to be me one day. And I know I'll have my own romance story. It'll happen at the right time. I'm not trying to rush fate these days. I realize my goal of being married by 25 may not actually happen, and I'm ok with that. I have a lot to do before I'm 25, and I can't put too much on my plate. I also can't expect a relationship to pop out of nowhere in the next few years. I'm just grateful to be seeing it happen for the first time in my life, and maybe I'll even get some pointers. I've always been one to comment on other people's relationships and at this point I should be an expert, but I've seen more relationships fail than succeed. I realize that I have work to do in front of me, especially since I am a 20 something in New York City looking for a real relationship (i think...:/)
I'm not saying to ignore the future because I do think it is important to keep relationships in mind. It's why we do half of the things we do. That's why we all go to the gym, keep up with fashion, care about pop culture. It's a medium for us to find other people. It's difficult to balance finding a relationship and a job and family, but it has to be done. Life is too awesome (and other times to too stressful) to do it by yourself. I know I'll always have good friends and brothers to keep me company, but we all deserve to find a little bit of love one day.
Also, there is the sex.
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